Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
