Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
