Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
