wat bout pragnant strippers??
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
