First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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