I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize