Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
