my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
did i just pee glitter
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
