Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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