he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
