Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
