I'm laying in your front yard are you home
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
