i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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