i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
