I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
