nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
