I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize