can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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