hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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