its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize