On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
