we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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