Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
