So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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