just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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