I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
