I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
