Sponge bath it is.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
