your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
