am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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