Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
