Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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