If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I want is dick and wine.
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