TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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