i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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