I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize