the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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