He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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