i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
