She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
