It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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