Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
