Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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