Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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