you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
