I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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