dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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