The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
