are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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