biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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