She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
