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• (256): View more from Alabama

  I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.

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• (831): View more from California

  Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date

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• (716): View more from New York

  I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..

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• (407): View more from Florida

  There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up

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• (863): View more from Florida

  MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.

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