grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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