i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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