i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm both gender and math confused
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
