she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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