About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
