I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
