Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
