those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
