I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize