just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
