Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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