Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
