She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
