I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
