The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
