Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
