She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
