What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
