She announced her abortion via fbk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you didnt know i had herpes?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
