Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
