im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
