This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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