I hope mine doesn't look like that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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