So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
