I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
