I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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